


A Little Peace of Mind

by imadeafanpage



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phan, Phandom
Genre: Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Nocturnal Dan, Relationship is kinda ambiguous, Sleepy Cuddles, Sleepy Phil, Totally not based on my own experience, kinda gets angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-11 14:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11150649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadeafanpage/pseuds/imadeafanpage
Summary: Hey guys! This is the first fanfiction I have ever published so I hope it goes down well. It's just a small one-shot I wrote during the stress of exam season kinda based on my own experience. But of course I had to give it a little twist.I hope you enjoy it!!





	A Little Peace of Mind

Dan hovered in the doorway of the darkened room. He didn't want to wake the peacefully sleeping man within to trouble him with his insignificant problems. But that within itself was a problem- if Dan was so insignificant in life then it is fair to assume that he will carry that same insignificance on into the infinite nothing that is death. What happens when you die? His chest tightened. How can a life so vivid- so real- with a million thoughts and emotions and scents and sounds just lead to nothing? What is the purpose of human life? How can we just cease to exist in a single moment?

And Phil. God Phil. He was incredible and one day he'd be dead and gone. And Dan would never be able to see him again. Never fangirl over his videos, or watch him in disbelief whilst he films, or sneak secret photos when he wasn't looking. One day he'd never be able to rely on these strong arms to bring him comfort.

Steeling himself, he turned to leave. He was a big boy at 25 and he could deal with this by himself. Lock down the emotions and distract yourself with this meaningless world in all of its greatness.

"C'mere" mumbled Phil. Dan paused half turning, unsure if he had actually spoken or if it was just his overactive imagination once more. 

He looked at the duvet covered lump on the bed- which promptly flipped back the cover and two outstretched arms appeared. "I love you Dan" he said sleepily "But I'm not getting out of bed."

Dan practically flew across the room and flung himself into the waiting boys arms, snuggling close to his chest. He ended up with his head over the other boys shoulder, face pressed into his neck, with arms wrapped around his waist. His throat pressed onto the other boys shoulder- and it was uncomfortable- but the desire to be close to this incredible man overwhelmed any physical discomfort he felt.

Phil stroked the other boys hair, luxuriating in the feel of its silkiness against his palm but vaguely missing it previous length. Looks a lot better now though, he internally chuckled. "What at you laughing at?" Dan whispered, still sounding oh so broken. 

"Just thinking about your square hair." He whispered soothingly. " So," he said in the same calm voice. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"

Oh he did. The urge to spill his guts and shift the weight from his shoulders was so intense, but could he do that to Phil? The fans may call him a ball of literal sunshine but Dan had seen him at his worst. Not that anything about Phil was bad. No, Dan meant the times when the pressure to be perfect got too much and the negative comments began to pile up and Phil was just so tired. And pale. And withdrawn. He knew Phil's demons yet his own selfishness wanted, no needed to be heard. But how could he put all of that weight onto Phil? If he couldn't cope with his own demons how was Phil meant to banish them for him? And to say that all he had done was insignificant meant that he thought Phil was too- and that was not the way he felt about this man. 

He just felt so empty and detached from his own life. He felt like he was falling and he just couldn't stop. Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Don't. Don't. Don't!

Just stop it!

"Dan" Phil prompted cautiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Said Dan aiming for lightness. "You know- just thinking about the inevitability of death. And the fact that one day I will cease to exist and everything that I'm currently doing to waste my life away is insignificant." His voice cracked. "Not to mention the fact that one day everyone I love will be dead."

He had propped himself up slightly to look at Phil as he spoke, and on hearing these words the boy pulled him closer again.

"Oh Dan. " He sighed. "Its okay." And finally, finally, Dan began to cry.

"You're not wasting your life away" He said as he stroked between the other boys shoulder blades. "For a start you make millions of people happy every single day just by existing. We've written two books- done a stage show and produced films. No one is going to forget that any time soon."

"And even if- yes or when" he added as Dan lifted his teary head to protest "they forget- I never will. You've got me forever Dan- and isn't that enough?"

***  


Dan looked down at the broken body of the boy who had promised to love him forever and cried and cried and cried.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Did you like the little angsty twist? Does it fit okay with the flow of the story? 
> 
> I was debating whether or not to leave it as happy comfort fluff but.... nah
> 
> I personally really like it, but I also hate myself for ruining the lovely fluffy moment and leaving Dan all alone to face his worst fears. Please don't hate me!
> 
> (The ending is the part not inspired by personal experience)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
